Tenderest Touch
by OurNightlock
Summary: Peeta wants a child more than anything, but Katniss is terrified at the idea. When Peeta finally convinces her, her fear grows as her stomach does. (Everlark fanfic/post mockingjay)
1. Chapter 1

I turned towards the door when I heard it open an instant smile spreading across my face as I turn back to the meal in front of me. Peeta's footsteps grow louder as he gets closer, he never was able to walk quietly. I press my lips together surpressing a laugh, just as his arms encircle my waist.

"You sure you don't want me to take over?" He says lightly as his lips find my neck. I elbow him playfully and roll my eyes. The scent of bread hits me and the smile reappears on my lips.

"I'm fine." I say a little sarcastically, and he grins against my neck placing one more kiss. He releases me and I can hear his footsteps make their way upstairs. I finish the soup and pour it into seperate bowls, one for myself and one more Peeta. I lean against the counter after setting the table waiting for Peeta to come back downstairs. My eyes trail to the ring on my left finger a smile ghosting across my lips instantly. We'd only gotten married a couple months ago, the feeling was still new. I know I had always said I never wanted to get married, but when I met Peeta I think everything changed.

"Smells good, Mrs. Mellark." Peeta calls calling me back to the present. I look up meeting his blue eyes with a smile. His arms open and without hesitation I walk into them. His strong steady arms wrap around me. It took a while for his arms to become steady, like they were before after the hijacking. Once his episodes started lessening he became more of the boy he was before. He still had episodes every now and then, but we could easily work through them. I finally figured out how to bring him back.

All I had to do was sing. I usually sung the Hanging Tree. The sound of my voice brought him back. I figured it worked because the sound of me singing was what made him originally fall in love with me. I place a light kiss on his lips.

"Better eat before it gets cold." He nods and we take our spots across from eachother at the table. We eat in silence, until Peeta decides to speak.

"I had a lady come into the bakery today with her daughter." He eyes me and I drop my gaze to my bowl. _Oh no. _I knew where this was going. Every time someone came in with their child, it brought up our natural argument over children.

"Peeta..." I start and he gives a sigh.

"Why not Katniss?" He asks looking at me intently. Why was he doing this? He knew why.

"Because, Peeta. I'm afraid." I snap looking up and meeting his gaze now.

"Katniss, I'm not saying that something won't happen, but if we lived in fear of what could happen we wouldn't get anywhere. I could burn myself on the ovens at work, I could fall walking up the stairs and break something. So could you, but that doesn't stop you from going upstairs." I press my lips in a hard line. Why on earth was he doing this?

"Peeta everyone I have ever loved has been taken from me. You were at one point, but I refused to let you go." He takes a bite of his food and I decide my argument was enough to get him to drop it. I take a sip of water.

"Katniss, everything's okay now though. I'm here, Haymitch and Effie are here. There are still people left that you love." I slam my glass of water on the table, water spilling over the edge splashing us both.

"No, Peeta!" I push away from the table and stand up leaving the dining room. I didn't know why he continued this argument. I didn't know why he didn't understand why I didn't want kids. I knew I was hurting him but refusing, and it's not because I don't want a family with him. I had grown up pushing away any ideas of a family, even became resentful at the idea. I was terrified of bringing a child into the world. Terrified.


	2. Chapter 2

I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror regretting my harsh words towards Peeta. I had always had a problem with my temper when it came to this subject. I drop my head when I notice the shame I felt reflected back at me. What was I doing? I was an expert at saying something to harsh during one of these arguments and sending him into an episode. I spin when there's a knock on the bathroom door.

"Come in." I say softly and watch as Peeta walks in. I bite at my lips trying to get rid of the gnawing feeling of regret inside of me. The pain in his eyes is palpable, which causes my heart to break a little. "Peeta, I'm sorry I shouldn't have reacted like that it's just -" He cuts me off.

"No, Katniss. I understand, I shouldn't be pushing having a family on you. It's not fair." I stare at him in bewilderment. Where was this coming from?

"Peeta, what are you talking about? It's my fault for reacting that way. I hurt you, and I can't express how sorry I am." He gives me a sad smile and loops his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him.

"Katniss..." A sigh escapes his lips. "How is it we go from being playful and happy to this so quickly?" I bite my lips at his words and rest my forehead against his.

"Because of me." I reply and he gives a breathy chuckle, that contains no traces of humor.

"We're both at fault. I'm not perfect, you know Katniss." His words almost sound accusing, but at the same time they sound like a joke. I purse my lips trying to figure out what he meant. I give my head a slight shake not exactly sure what was meant.

"I'm the reason you have episodes, because I react like that. I react without thinking. It's stupid of me, it really is." My hand lays gently on his cheek. "And the pain in your eyes is clear, I know how badly you want a family. I just, I'm so terrified." His blue eyes lock with mine the pain in his eyes replaced with concern.

"What are you so afraid of?" His tone is gentle, and colored with concern. He truly doesn't understand. I close my eyes taking a deep breath before pulling away.

"It's just, I had a family. My mother, my sister, and me. I became the mother to my sister when my mother tuned out. I did _everything_ I could to keep her alive, and it failed. I volunteered, for her at the reaping. I only managed to cause a mess of everything by doing that. Except, I got one thing out of it." I pause taking his hand in mine and holding it to my cheek, indicating he was the one thing.

"I hurt people, and I hurt you so many times in the process. I got so many people killed. I don't deserve to have a family at this point. I failed my sister trying to take down Snow. I was so blind. I only cared about taking down Snow. I lost sight of what was important. In doing so I lost my sister. She died. I don't even know how I deserve you after everything." I stop talking my voice catching at the end.

"Katniss, I think if someone doesn't deserve any of it here it's me. I tried to kill you, and I did kill others in the process. I'm a Capitol mu-" I cut him off, placing my hand over his mouth.

"No. None of that is your fault, everything that happened was beyond your control. I had choices. If I would've just eaten those berries in the games you would've lived, and my sister would still be alive." He places a kiss on my lips brushing away a tear I hadn't even realized had fallen.

"If you had, the games would still be going, and not to sound selfish but my life would be nothing. You always have been, and always will be my life. Without you I'm nothing." He whispers gently pulling me in again. "So, that's why you're afraid? Because you don't think you deserve it?" I shake my head. No, I didn't deserve a family, but that's not why I was afraid. It wasn't beneath me to take what I don't deserve. I married Peeta didn't I? Haymitch's words ring in the back of my mind _You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him. _His words ring true, but I loved him unconditionally and vise versa.

"Peeta, everyone I love ended up hurt, or taken from me. You got the worst, all because I fell in love with you Snow hijacked you. He realized you were - are my weakness. I loved Prim, and she was taken from me. My mom, she doesn't even live here anymore. My father, dead. Finnick, dead. Gale, my best friend won't even speak to me. How do I know if I were to bring a child into this world that he or she wouldn't end up dead."

Peeta looks over my face and gives a sad sigh. He couldn't argue that everyone had been taken from me. No one could, because it was true.

"I may be hijacked, but I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I can't promise you that if we bring a child into this world the Hunger Games won't be reinstated, or that something will happen during the pregnancy and there'll be a miscarriage. But, I can promise you I'll be by your side the whole time, I'll help you through it. I can also promise the chances of anything happening are unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely."

He was so good words, and so convincing. I just wasn't sure if he was convincing enough. His words though cause a smile to creep on my lips without my permission.

"Peeta, I love you more than anything but I can't. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could. I'm just too afraid." He leans down kissing me deeply and gives a resigning sigh. He takes my hand and leads me out of the bathroom. _You've hurt him again_, I think to myself. Why did I keep doing this to him? I didn't mean to. I wanted nothing more than to make him happy, but the one thing that would make him the happiest man in the world is the one thing that terrifies me.

He picks me up and carries me to the couch where I find he has started a fire. I eyes him suspiciously then let it go. I knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to push it any further, and neither was I. We were stuck in a stalemate, both too stubborn on the subject to give in to the other. I curl up next to him on the couch his arm wrapping around my shoulders firmly.

As we watch the fire in silence I start thinking about what he said, about a family. I wasn't going to lie a family with Peeta sounded beyond amazing, if only I could get past my crippling fear that I had built up over the years. _Stop being so damn selfish _I think to myself. I've put him through hell and back, maybe I could find it in me to overcome my fear and give him the one thing he wants more than anything.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up to the alarm clock going off. Peeta's arms wind around me pulling me close to him as he yawns. A smile creeps across my lips and I open my eyes.

"Morning beautiful." He says softly, he tone clouded with sleep. He places a kiss on my forehead and climbs out of bed. I give a sigh when he gets up. I watch him from the bed as he gathers his clothes for the bakery a slight smirk appearing on my lips. I catch his hand as we walks towards the bathroom. I pull him down and kiss him hard.

"What was that for?" He asks grinning down at me.

"Because I love you." I say and a wide smile spreads across his face. My fingers run through his hair and I let him go take a shower. I lay in bed and close my eyes wondering if I could get a few more minutes of sleep. I find that it's not going to happen and I sit up. I slide out of bed and open my dresser. I reach into a drawer and my fingers close around something plastic.

I pull my hand out along with the object knitting my eyebrows together. What could possibly have gotten into my drawer that's plastic. I look at the object and instantly know what it is. A pacifier. A sigh of frustration leaves my lips but I can't help but laugh. I roll my eyes turning when Peeta walks back out of the bathroom. A towel hanging lowly on his hips.

"What is this for?" I hold up the pacifier arching an eyebrow. He gives me a look like he's unsure of what I'm talking about.

"Huh, what are you doing with one of these?" He asks, but I could hear the teasing in his voice.

"Maybe because a certain baker is trying to convince me of something?" I say arching an eyebrow. He gives a shrug and pulls me in for a kiss. I put my hand on his bare chest and smile against his lips.

"Hmm, I wonder who that would be." He says between kisses. I push him away playfully and laugh.

"Go get dressed, Mellark." I say with a teasing grin. He pulls me in for one more kiss and finishes getting ready for work. I slip out of my pj's and change into hunting clothes, braiding my hair down my back. As soon as I'm done I walk downstairs where I can smell breakfast being cooked. I walk up behind him and rest my chin on his shoulder.

"Figure out who left you the pacifier yet?" He asks, and I can hear the grin in his voice. I roll my eyes and give a light laugh.

"Mhmm. I think it was my husband." I say and play a kiss on jaw from behind. He turns with a grin two plates of food in his hand. I take mine and we walk to the table.

"So, later today you might want to go look in my studio." I arch an eyebrow at him curiously. He must've painted a picture for me. A smile ghosts across my lips. I would go look before I went hunting. Once we finish eating he kisses me goodbye and leaves for work. I watch out the window until I can't see him anymore.

I turn and walk to the studio curious as to what he left me. When I walk in, I automatically know which one is for me. It's placed in the middle of the room, surrounded by his other paintings. A mix of emotions washes through me at the painting. First anger, then almost happiness, then confusion at the happiness. My eyes run over the painting, of me with large round stomach, and Peeta kneeling in front of me with his lips pressed to my stomach. A wide smile on my face. The same smile I had when we got married.

First the pacifier, and now the painting. I storm out of the studio slamming the door behind me. He had never been this persistent before. I didn't know why he was trying so hard. Maybe it was because he saw how I was considering it, almost trying to talk myself into it. I decide not to go hunting, and dive back into bed.

I was still trying to figure out why the painting had brought up happiness. It was quite a surprise that it did. Somewhere in trying to think my feelings towards the subject through I drift to sleep.

_I'm sitting in the meadow next to Peeta, my head resting on his shoulder. I watch as our two children play in the meadow with Prim and Rue. A smile and complete feeling of happiness washes through me at the sight. A sigh of happiness leaves my lips. _

_"Prim always wanted to be an aunt, but I always said I was never having kids which didn't make he happy exactly." I say and Peeta chuckles kissing my head. _

_"So you tried to disappoint us both, didn't you? I bet now that you have them though, you regret being so afraid." He speaks his lips still against my head. I nudge him lightly and lean into him. _

_"If it weren't for you, I would've never done it. You're the only one I want a family with." I pull away and turn my head towards him kissing him deeply and lovingly. _

_"You know, the same goes for you. I know you think I just wanted to be a father, but I just want to be the father of our children. You're the only one I ever wanted this with." A smile so wide it looks like a grimace crosses my face at his words. _

__"Katniss. Katniss, wake up." I'm pulled from my dream that I so desperately try to cling to. I turn to see Peeta looking down at me concern on his face. "Is everything okay?" He asks and I nod, pulling him down to me for a long passionate kiss. The kiss takes him by surprise at first, but he quickly returns the passion. My dream keeps playing in my mind. I try to tell myself it was the painting that triggered this, but I know it was the happiness of seeing the painting that triggered it.

I pull away from him now the words I so desperately were trying to ignore continue to nag at me. Continue to push their way to the tip of my tongue. I bite my tongue pressing my lips together trying to keep the words in, because once they were said there was no going back. I knew by how much I wanted to say them, that they were true, but my fear was keeping them back.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" Peeta asks and I sit up grabbing both his hands in mine. I pull him towards me and he kneels on the floor in front of me, his blue eyes looking at me expectantly.

"Peeta I -" I stumble the words fighting to get out, but not wanting to come out. _Just say it, _I command myself. "I...I...want a...family with you."


	4. Chapter 4

Peeta stares at me as my words sink in.

"Wait. What?" He blinks and I could tell he never in his life expected to hear me utter those words.

"Don't make me say it again." I say pleadingly. I was barley able to say it the first time without stumbling and tripping over my words. He's standing up now my face between his hands, his blue eyes bore into mine.

"Please, Katniss? I want to hear it again. Just to be sure." I couldn't blame him for doubting me. Just last night I threw a total fit when he even brought the subject up, how could he not think I'm just saying this? I close my eyes and take a deep breath, opening my eyes again as I exhale.

"Peeta, I want a family with you." The words come out shaky, but much smoother then last time. His face lights up and he kisses me with such a deep passion it startles me, but I instantly return it.

"Do you mean it, Katniss? Don't do this just because you want to make me happy. Do it for you too." He looks me in the eyes searching my eyes for the truth.

"Your painting, made me realize I do want a family. But not with anyone but you. I want a family with you and only you." His face brightens more then it already had, which I didn't think was possible. His hands drop from my face and he picks me up off the bed spinning me around and around laughing with joy. When my feet touch the ground his lips meet mine. The only other times I had seen him this happy were when we got engaged, and the day we got married.

"I love you, Katniss. So much." He says his lips just an inch away from mine.

"I love you too. Always." I say a smile breaking out across my face. I was afraid, but at the moment I couldn't be happier. After the excitement dies down just a little bit he kisses my forehead and goes to make dinner. I pull my hair out of its braid and brush it back letting it fall freely, framing my face. I make my way down the stares to find him whistling while he makes dinner. I smile when I catch a glimpse of the smile still on his face. I don't think he was ever getting rid of it.

I walk up behind him and place a kiss on his shoulder.

"Smells good." I say and he looks at me flashing a grin.

"It's all for you, my beautiful." He says and looks back to the food. I smile and walk to the table sitting down. My finger traces the edge of my glass absently as I watch him make food. I look at his face, how the sun reflects off his long blonde eye lashes making them just visible. How light his blue eyes are, full of happiness which I knew at any minute could change. He could have an episode and lose it, all traces of happiness and love gone.

I push the thought out of my mind. It wasn't something I could ignore, I knew that and I would never admit it to him but I was almost terrified that the pregnancy, that a baby would just cause an episode. I was even afraid that while trying to conceive he would have an episode. Which is why we hadn't done anything yet. Not only was I afraid of it, but so was he. He didn't want to hurt me, and I didn't want to push him into an episode.

I don't notice that he had put a plate of lamb stew in front of me until he speaks.

"Is everything alright?" He asks and I blink clearing my mind. I nod and take a bite of the lamb stew. I close my eyes as the sweet taste fills my mouth, I was amazed at how he mastered the lamb stew so perfectly. "What were you thinking about?" He presses eyeing me suspiciously probably wondering if I had changed my mind.

"I was just thinking about you, and how you'll be able to handle the whole baby thing." I bite my lip looking down at my food. I felt like I was accusing him, saying he couldn't handle it. I knew, and he knew that wasn't the case. Both of us were fully aware that the simplest thing could send him into an episode. They didn't happen as often as they did before, but they do happen. We can't ignore it.

"I was thinking about that too. Maybe I should go visit the doctor. See if he has any ideas on how to control it. I'm not worried about during the pregnancy, just after and the...conceiving." He says and I look up meeting his eyes. Worry has colored his eyes now replacing most the happiness, though that isn't gone.

"I just don't know if you'll be able to trust me with your baby. I mean you will, but..." I trail off unable to get the words out correctly, he takes my hand from across the table.

"Hey, all you have to do is sing to me. Remember?" His smile returns and his thumb runs across my knuckles soothingly and I return his smile, but not for long.

"What is it's bad? Like, the last one a couple years ago." My eyes trail to the hole in the wall, where he had punched trying to get my head. Thankfully I had moved in time. Ironic enough, it was an argument over having a kid that brought it on. I wasn't able to hold my tongue and I said just the right thing to set him off. It lasted about a week, he had to stay with Haymitch.

"Then, I'll stay with Haymitch again until I get over it." A sigh leave my lips and I rest my forehead on top of out hands.

"Peeta, we can't live like that. I think you should talk to your doctor about it, and see if he has any suggestions." I say and lift my head back up. The smile reappears on his face. I wouldn't worry about it, or even think about it until I was pregnant. I was almost positive we could be intimate without a problem, we had gotten close a couple times, but he didn't trust himself.

When we finish dinner I tell him I'll clean up while he showers. I take my time cleaning up, trying to prolong it until he's finished showering. I'm on the last plate when I hear his footsteps loudly come down the stairs. He walks up behind me, his skin still slightly wet from the shower as his arms wrap around me. I could tell he hadn't bothered with a shirt.

As I dry the plate he plays soft kisses along my shoulder and up my neck and down to my collar bone. I arch my neck to the side allowing easier access to it. My eyes flutter shut and a sigh of pleasure escapes my lips.

"Mmm, Peeta." I set the plate down now and he chuckles against my neck his breath tickling. He doesn't stop though, he continues to kiss along my neck and collar bone until I turn around unable to take it anymore. My fingers knot in the back of his hair, but as soon as I do he lifts his head and meets my eyes.

"You sure, you trust me?" He asks and I nod giving him a light kiss on the lips.

"More than anything." I reply quietly. He smiles and scoops me up carrying me up to our bedroom. He lays me down gently on the bed resuming his kisses. Slowly he slides my shirt over my head and trails the kisses down my stomach. My eyes flutter shut again and I arch my body wanting more of his kisses. That's where we spend the rest of the night, which is undoubtedly one of the best nights of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up with a bright light streaming in through the open window. A slight breeze blows into the room raising goose bumps on my bare body. I pull the blanket over my shoulder up to my neck and scoot in closer to Peeta. My eyes move from Peeta's face to the window to find that it had snowed last night. My eyes move back to Peeta's sleeping face. Gently I move a hand brushing hair off his forehead as a smile spreads on my lips.

"Morning beautiful." Peeta yarns and stretches as he opens his eyes. Once he's done stretching his arms wind around my bare hips pulling me in closer then I already was.

"Morning, my love." I reply and a sleepy smile spreads across his face. My legs are tangled with his, we look into each others eyes getting lost. I run a hand through his shaggy blonde hair letting it fall freely back in place. He leans in and places a warm kiss on my cheek sending hear radiating through my whole body.

"I think you better get ready for work, Mr. Mellark." I say lightly playfully taping his nose with a grin. He untangles out feet and release his grip rolling over so he's hovering just above me.

"I think you're right, Mrs. Mellark." He grins down at me and kisses me once deeply before sliding out of bed. My eyes follow him, and I wonder when he had slipped on his boxers last night. Maybe he had, had a nightmare. I purse my lips and stare up at the ceiling. It was hardly fair that I could wake him up two three times on a bad night with my nightmares, but never once had he woken me up with his nightmares.

Gingerly, I slide of of my bed my feet landing on the cool carpet quietly. The icy air instantly runs it's finger up my bare body causing me to shiver. I quickly run to my dresser and throw on under clothes, and a pair of sweatpants. I glance over my shoulder to see if the shower was still running before slipping over to Peeta's dresser and grabbing one of his shirts.

I usually ended up dressed like this during the winters when there was no use in me trying to go hunting. It was pointless in the snow, really. Especially when I knew Peeta would bring home nice warm bread. The bathroom door opens and I spin to see Peeta walking out, his blonde hair still wet falling messily over his head, and a towel hanging around his hips. I bite my lip.

"Don't you have your own clothes?" He asks teasingly, and I laugh throwing a pillow at him.

"Yeah, but yours are warmer, and they smell like you." I say with an edge of playfulness in my tone. To prove my point I slide the took big neck up to my nose inhaling deeply and he chuckles.

"So does that mean I should wear your shirts, so I can smell like you." He jokes, and snakes his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him. My hands rest on his bare chest.

"I think you'd look a little ridiculous in my clothes." I say and he chuckles again kissing me lightly. His eyes are lit up with happiness which I know was from last night, and my agreeing to have a family with him.

"You've made me the happiest man in the world, you know that right?" He asks me his mood turning serious. I smile and kiss him once more.

"I could say the same to you." He gives me a smile so wide I wasn't sure how he managed it. His arms drops from my waist and he quickly dresses in a dark grey shirt and jeans. He grabs his heavy jacket from out closet and walks down stairs with me at his side. "Don't forget Haymitch and Effie will be joining us for dinner tonight." I say as I watch him make a quick breakfast.

"That's right. Are we going to tell them we're going to try to have a baby?" His eyes light up even more than the already were, which I didn't think was possible. The excitement was clear in his voice I could tell he wanted to scream it out to the world.

"I think we should wait, until I'm actually pregnant." The thought of telling Haymitch about this scared me. He has almost started playing the roll of my father after the rebellion. He even was the one to walk me down the isle at my wedding. He had literally become mine and Peeta's family. Along with Effie, who had moved in with him. I knew it would thrill Effie, but I wasn't sure what Haymitch would say. I could probably expect some sarcastic comments and jabs at me about how I shouldn't do this since I didn't want it before. I didn't need to be talked out of it.

"When will we try again?" He asks still excited. The way he worded the question almost made it sound as if we had failed already. I can't help but smile. I wasn't due to have my period for another three weeks, so he'd have to be patient. But, it also gave us quite a while to try. I walk around the kitchen counter up to him and run my fingers up his strong arm lightly.

"What about tonight?" I purr in his ear and I notice him nod weakly. I almost laughed at how the simple gesture, and the almost seductive purr had such an affect on him. We eat breakfast and he leaves for work. I wrap my arms around myself trying to keep warm as I watch him walk down the street through the snow until he's gone. I walk back in heat flooding me instantly.

I pull out things for dinner, and get it prepared for Peeta to cook when he gets back. Steak, and potatoes, and of course his bread. I grab a cheese bun from the counter popping it into my mouth letting the still warm cheese spread across my tongue. I sit on the couch and decide to take a nap until Peeta comes home.

When I wake up I find I had been covered with a blanket, and hear noise coming from the kitchen.

"Peeta?" I ask gently, and I see him peak his head down at me in the living room.

"Yes, beautiful?" His voice is still full of happiness and I can't help but smile.

"I'm glad to see you're home." I reply and hope off the couch making my way up to the kitchen. I sit myself on the counter and watch silently as he makes dinner. My eyes move to his face, flour still on his forehead from work. Then my eyes move from his face to his hands, and watch him as he makes the food. I turn when there's a knock on the door and hop off the counter. I can feel Peeta's eyes on me as I walk out of the room. I probably could've dressed better, but oh well. I open the door to find Haymitch and a normal looking Effie waiting patiently.

"Hello, Katniss." Effie trills brightly. She had gotten rid of all the Capitol fashions, and now let her natural long blonde hair fall in weaves down her back. She hardly even wore makeup anymore. I knew it had something to do with the rebellion, and what had happened to her in the Capitol but I never asked. Haymitch gives me a nod and a "Hello sweetheart." Before walking in, snow droplets melting in his hair.

Haymitch chats with Peeta while he makes dinner and I sit at the table with Effie talking casually. I have to bite my tongue wanting so badly to tell her that Peeta and I had decided to start a family, that I had finally given in to him, but I had told Peeta now wasn't the time. It was just so tempting.

"Dinners done." Calls Peeta and Effie and I get up to help set the table. Once the tables set the four of us sit around the table, Haymitch and Effie next to each other, and Peeta and I next to each other. Haymitch sits across my and studies my face. He probably could tell the excitement that filled the air. It wasn't normal.

"So, Katniss. Peeta was telling me about the lady that came in with her kid the other day at the bakery." He takes a bite of steak and chews watching my reaction. I resist the urge to look at Peeta wondering if he had said something. I give a shrug waving it off. "Damn you're so stubborn." I look up at him arching an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?" I ask slightly confused and he gives a slight drunken laugh.

"You and this whole family thing, the boy is completely in love with you and you with him. Why don't you want a family with him like he does with you." I automatically feel the need to get defensive, because I do in fact want a family with Peeta.

"Who says I don't want a family with Peeta?"

"You." He replies instantly.

"Well, I do. Okay?" I snap and sit back in my chair, Peeta looks at me shocked. He hadn't expected me to say it.

"Wait, what?" Haymitch asks, now all three of their eyes were on me.

"I want a family with Peeta. I told him that yesterday, and we're going to try to start a family."


	6. Chapter 6

My words hang in the air filling the room into a complete silence. I could sense Peeta's shock at my telling them. The silence drags on, and I feel as if it'll never end.

"Come again?" Haymitch finally says breaking the silence. I close my eyes letting out a long breath. When I reopen my eyes I notice everyone's eyes still on me, waiting.

"Peeta, and I are trying to have a kid. I want this. I want a family with Peeta." I say feeling the need to explain myself. Peeta leans in and kisses my temple. I smile ghosts across my lips as his lips touch my temple.

"Well, I think that's just lovely." Effie trills beaming at the two of us. I turn to her with a genuine smile.

"Well, I'm happy for you sweetheart." I look over to Haymitch who looks genuinely happy. I am unable to detect any traces of sarcasm in his tone, or expression.

"Thank you." I reply and he gives me a smile which I return. I side glance at Peeta to see him beaming next to me.

"You must be happy." Haymitch says looking to Peeta.

"Happy doesn't even begin to describe it." Peeta says and looks at me with such love that a rush of warmth runs through me. He leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips.

"It's nice to see you two so happy." Effie says with a happy sigh. I take a bite of my steak and smile giving a nod. It was nice to be this happy. I was afraid of course, afraid of my child being taken away, and afraid of Peeta having an episode while I'm pregnant.

"Think you'll handle the pregnancy okay?" Haymitch asks which I assume he's talking to me but when I look up he's looking at Peeta. I look to Peeta to see him give a sigh and a slight shrug.

"I honestly don't know. I've been talking to Dr. Aurelius over the phone about it. He's been giving me tips on how to deal with it. He thinks that before she's showing, or if there's a miscarriage I may have...problems." He pauses letting us take in his words. I wasn't aware he had been talking to Dr. Aurelius. "He also said to be careful trying to conceive. That I shouldn't get my hopes up too much each month because it may not happen right away."

I look at Peeta as he talks, and watch his hands as he fiddles awkwardly with them. Talking about it was hard for him. He had a bad habit of blaming himself for his episodes, for things he couldn't control. Snow was dead, but I still felt so much hate towards him, so much hate for what he had done to Peeta. Peeta still hasn't forgiven himself for the times he had tried to kill me.

He had only once had an episode bad enough he tried to kill me, since the rebellion was over. When he first came back. I had only started talking about a week before, he was the only one who got me out of my mute depression. He had brought me back to life. We were still growing back together, but one night he had stayed over and had a nightmare.

The nightmare was bad enough it brought on an episode. I had heard glass shattering and yelling from downstairs at three in the morning. I walked downstairs wondering what was going on. I had found Peeta on the floor on his hands and knees, on glass. He was shaking violently. I walked over to him trying to call him down. Instead he spun and shoved me into the wall, pinning me there. He was yelling awful things and keeping the air from reaching my lungs. If Haymitch hadn't heard everything and showed up he would've killed me for sure.

"It'll be okay." I say and he looks at me with a smile. Haymitch and Effie watch us silently. "We always get through it, and it's not your fault. Please, remember that."

"She's right, Peeta. It's beyond your control." Peeta looks away from me and at Haymitch. "We'll be here to help you, too."

"Thank you, guys." Peeta says genuinely. For the rest of dinner we talk about Peeta and I deciding to have a family. I was surprised by how comfortable I was talking about it. After dinner Peeta and I sit on the couch wrapped in each other. After a while of sitting there in silence he starts placing kisses along my neck.

I tilt my head allowing easier access to my neck. I squirm at his kisses wanting more. He moves from my neck to my collarbone leaving soft feather light kisses.

"Peeta." I whimper his name as he runs his hands up my sides. He chuckles as I whimper and increases the amount of kisses. His hands slide under my shirt and he pulls it over my head before resuming his kisses. I gently tug at the bottom of his shirt and he chuckles against my skin, his hot breath tickling my neck.

"Impatient, are we?" He asks jokingly and pulls his shirt over his head. My hands run down his bare chest as he resumes kissing down my stomach and along the exposed parts of my breasts.

"Peeta." I whimper his name against and he trails his kisses up my stomach again. My back arches trying to signify I want more of him. He looks up at me with a grin and lays me down of the couch, as he hovers over me. He leaves kisses along my jawline and I tilt my head as he does letting out a soft sigh of pleasure.

He kisses down my neck, across my shoulder and collar bone, over my still covered breasts and down my stomach stopping at the hem of my pants. He lifts himself away from me and I try to pull him back desperately wanting him. He chuckles and lifts me up carrying me up to our room.

I'm woken up one morning by Peeta climbing out of bed. He was pretty bad at being discreet. I let out a soft laugh unable to contain it.

"What's so funny?" I hear him ask in the darkness, I could tell he was surprised that I was awake.

"You're so bad at being quiet." I say with a light laugh opening my eyes. My laugh is interrupted with a yawn.

"Think that's funny?" He says and I can hear the grin in his voice. He was trying to laugh.

"Oh, I do. Very much so." I say with a grin of my own. He walks back over to me and leans over me pressing his lips to mine. My fingers comb through his messy blonde hair as he kisses me.

"I need to go get ready for work." I give him a slight pout and he chuckles getting up and walking to the bathroom. I lay in bed watching the bathroom door waiting for him to come back out. When the door opens I look away feeling like I was spying. He's already dressed when he comes out.

"Why don't you get dressed, and I'll go make breakfast." He says and leans down kissing my forehead. I nod and give a small smile.

"Alright." I say and slide out of bed as he leaves the room. I stop at the mirror and look at my bare body. My hand goes to my stomach resting lightly on it. I turn to the side arching my back to my make my stomach go out. I try to imagine myself with a child, with a baby. Fear and happiness fill me at the same time. I look away from the mirror and drop my hands from my stomach. Quickly I get dressed and go downstairs.

"Hey there, beautiful." He says causing me to blush. I smile and lean across the counter kissing him softly. We had been trying for at least three weeks already to get pregnant. We had a new sense of happiness. A new glow around us. It had become a daily thing, I had developed a new weakness for him, a strong weakness. he had always been my weakness but this was something new.

As we eat we talk about how a lady came in and asked him to make her wedding cake. He said it reminded him of out wedding which causes me to smile. About half way through eating I feel sick and I have to run to the bathroom. I barley make it in time when I start throwing up in the toilet.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So, I thought about writing a chapter from Peeta's point of view. What do you guys think? Would you like to read a chapter from his point of view? Let me know, and please review. Also, thank you for the reviews so far. Very much appreciated. **

* * *

I press my cheek to the cold floor once my body is done heaving.

"Katniss! Katniss! What's going on?" Peeta rushes into the bathroom and kneels beside me pulling me into his arms. I shake my head as my stomach turns again.

"I don't know." I say hoarsely my mouth still filled with the vile taste. I curl into a ball in his arms trying to block out the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"It couldn't have been the food, or I would've gotten sick." I nod and try to sit up. I rest my head back against the counter. I run my hands over my face taking deep breathes. _What is going on with me? _I think to myself. I wouldn't dare let myself hope I was pregnant. I didn't want to end up disappointed, and I wasn't about to see Peeta disappointed.

"I don't know. Maybe it's the flu?" I say trying to sound convincing but the thought that I could be pregnant tugs in the back of my mind. I couldn't be that lucky, could I? As the thought hits me I feel myself start shaking slightly. _What if I'm pregnant? _The idea terrifies me, yet brings on a sense of joy. I close my eyes taking deep breaths. What if?

"Katniss, are you okay?" Peeta asks and pulls me into his arms. I give a slight shake of my head before I feel the sickness rising up in me again. I jump up my eyes snapping open and I bend over the toilet heaving, whatever acid sits in my stomach. There was nothing let to get rid of.

"I think I need to lay down." I say weakly and Peeta nods in agreement. His strong arms slide under me and he lifts me up. I lay my head against his chest as he carries me to the couch. His hand brushes a strand of hair from my forehead after he lays me on the couch. I'm still slightly shaking with fear, but he assumes I'm cold.

"Here." He says and pulls a blanket off the back of the couch covering me. I snuggle down underneath it trying to calm myself. He sits down next to me his hand soothingly brushing hair from my forehead. I curl up in a tight ball and allow myself to drift into sleep.

_I lay with my head in Peeta's lap in the meadow, my stomach swollen like a balloon. Peeta plays dandelions in my hair making a crown of them around my head. I let out a sigh of happiness. Peeta's hand goes to my stomach and I can feel it kick. _

_"In just a few weeks, we'll get to meet our baby girl." Peeta looks down at me his eyes glistening with complete happiness. _

_"I can't wait." I say softly my hands moving to cradle my stomach. I close my eyes smiling letting the sense of happiness wash over me. Peeta leans down and places a soft familiar kiss on my forehead. _

_"You're going to be an excellent mother." Suddenly I'm not in the meadow anymore but on the beach in the arena. Pretending to be pregnant. As I lay down I watch Johanna's frame twitch and spasm until she's become the mutts from the games. _

_"Run, Peeta!" I scream jolting up right. I try to dive between him in the mutt but I'm too late. The mutts teeth clamp down on Peeta tearing him part just as Cato had died. "No! Peeta!" I scream desperately sobs wracking my body. I look down to see my swollen stomach still in place. "Peeta! Come back to me! Please! I can't do this without you! I need you!" I continue yelling, praying this is a nightmare. _

_"Thought you'd get to have a family and be happy?" I turn to find Snow standing behind me. Suddenly the baby isn't in my stomach anymore but in Snow's hands. I watch as he tosses it to the mutt. _

__I sit up quickly a sheen of sweat covering my forehead. I frantically search for Peeta to find him asleep next to me. I must not have been yelling. I shake him awake desperately needing his arms, and needs to know he's okay.

"Peeta!" I yell and he wakes up his eyes wide with alarm. He looks at my state and pulls me into his arms holding me close. I open my mouth to speak but instead I find myself sobbing.

"You were dead. He killed our baby. Peeta..." I choke out the words between sobs. Peeta pulls away slightly and cups my face making me look at him.

"Look at me Katniss. I'm okay, and we don't even have a baby yet." I nod trying to calm myself down, the dream was an all too perfect show of my fears. I'm finally happy, and I didn't believe it could last.

"I'm terrified Peeta. I'm terrified I'm going to lose you, and I'm terrified that when we have a baby I'll fail to protect him or her just as I did Prim." Peeta shakes his head pulling me back into his arms.

"Katniss, nothing it going to happen. I promise." He mumbles soothing things, with his lips against my hair. I feel myself relaxing and I nod. Once I'm calm and the nightmare images have been pulled from my mind he looks at me seriously.

"Do you think it was morning sickness?" My eyes meet his blue eyes which are light up and full of hope.

"I'll admit the thought crossed my mind, but I'm not sure." I say quietly. I couldn't bare to see him get his hopes up and then be disappointed. I just couldn't. I lean into him placing a kiss on his jawline. He smiles in response.

"Katniss, you should lay down. Do you want me to schedule a doctor's appointment for you?" He asks and I can tell it was all he could do to not jump with excitement. I give a weak nod in defeat. I couldn't try to keep it from Peeta. We knew each other to well to be able to keep anything from each other. That was for sure.

I close my eyes and drift back to sleep. This time it's a good dream though, a dream of Peeta and I's wedding.

_"You look beautiful." Annie whispered placing a single dandelion in my hair. I fixed the pearl around my neck refusing to ever go a day without it. _

_"Thank you." I said a smile lighting up my face. I would've work a dress Cinna had made, if the dresses didn't have a bad meaning behind them. They were made for the Capitol's Peeta and Katniss, not the real Peeta and Katniss. Not the real us. I turned when the door opened to see Haymitch as sober as he had been in thirteen dressed in a black tux. _

_"Well, don't you look beautiful, sweetheart." He had said giving me a genuine smile. I returned the smile. "Shall, we?" He asked holing his arm out. I nodded and linked my arm with his. He was the closest thing to a dad I had so I had asked him to walk me down the aisle._

__I wake up the feeling of complete happiness the dream had created disappearing when I hear Peeta on the phone with his doctor.

"I don't know. I'm just so afraid of -" He was cut off and I keep my eyes shut so he doesn't become aware that I'm listening.

"What if I lose control though? And even Katniss's singing can't bring me back?" I was able to put the pieces together easily. He was trying to get advice on how to handle the pregnant. I hold in a sigh wanting to go up there and assure him everything would be okay just as he had done for me earlier.

"I know that she would never hurt our baby, but the Capitol me doesn't." I could hear the distress in his voice and I frown slightly. The use of the words our and baby together sends butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I wonder idly if he had called to make me a doctor's appointment.

"If I were to hurt her..." He trails off and the pain palpable in his voice. I couldn't listen to this anymore. I couldn't stand to listen to him so afraid. It was my turn to comfort him. I stretch and yawn loudly to get his attention. "Katniss is awake, can I call back later?" There's a pause. "Alright. Bye." I hear him hang up the phone and he walks down to me.

"How do you feel? I made you an appointment for next Wednesday at noon." He gives me a smile, which to anyone would appear completely real, but to me I can see the faults in his smile that tell me he's faking it.

"Peeta, you don't have to be afraid. I promise you, everything will be okay. If you have an episode we'll deal with it like we always have. Together. You're not going through this alone. Ever. I'll always be at your side." I say and his smile breaks. He drops his head into his hands. I sit up and crawl into his lap.

"Katniss, I felt myself slipping when you were asleep." He says and look at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. "I'm so afraid this pregnancy could get you hurt. At my hands." He looks at his hands in disgust. "I've wanted this for so long." He looks at me now. "That first day of school when you sung, I knew I'd never want anyone else. And as we grew older, and we went through the games. I wanted more than just you. I needed you, but I also wanted a family with you. And now I have it, everything I've ever wanted and needed, and the Capitol may be gone but it's still there threatening to ruin it."

"Shh, Peeta. I promise we'll get through this. It's not going to be ruined. You have me, I'm never going anymore. I'm never leaving you. No matter what. I promise. If you do have an episode, we'll get through it. We always do." He gives me the slightest hint of a smile and crashes his lips to mine, causing that stirring feeling in my chest.

"God, I love you. Please remember that. Don't listen to a work I say when I slip away, I don't mean it. I love you, Katniss. I love you so much. Always." His words make me smile.

"I love you too. Always will." I say and he relaxes smiling. We spend the rest of the day on the couch with me going in and out of sleep. I was amazed at how tired I was. I wake up to a loud smash, like glass breaking. My eyes flit to the clock to find it's 3 a.m. Peeta was no longer next to me on the couch.

"Peeta?" I say gently. I get up and walk to the kitchen to find a coffee mug shattered on the floor as he grips the counter like it's a life line. I say his name again. "Peeta." He looks my way then away quickly. I walk up to him careful not to set him off and place a hand gently on his arm. His muscle's tighten in reaction to my touch.

"Katniss. Go." Peeta pants fighting his inner demons. I shake my head and do what I've always done. Sing.

"Are you, are you coming to the tree? Where I told you to run so we'd both be free. Strange things did happen here no stranger would it seem if we met up at midnight in the hanging tree." I feel his muscle relax just a little under my hand and continue, slowly it works until he release the counter. He collapses into a chair and I start cleaning up the shard of glass.

"Mutt!" I hear Peeta yell. _Oh no. _I think and turn to see him running out of the house. This must be a bad episode.

"Peeta!" I yell and stand up running after him. I watch as he enters Haymitch's house slamming the door behind him. I quickly dash back into the house wrapping my arms around myself. I could feel tears pricking in my eyes. I dial Haymitch's number and he picks up on the second ring.

"Well, sweetheart. This is a bad one. He passed out on my couch about the second he walked in. Looks like you'll be sleeping alone tonight. I'll see if I can wake him and talk to him until he's calm." I close my eyes and run my hands over my face. "Thank you." I murmur and hang up. I slide down the wall staring into space, trying to figure out what had set this off.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This chapter is from Peeta's POV**

* * *

I run my shaky hands over my face it had been two days since I last saw Katniss. Well, since the deranged side of me saw her at least. My head was mostly clear but I was still shaking.

"How you holding up, lover boy?" Haymitch asks handing me a glass of tea before plopping down on the couch beside me. I give a shrug.

"Better than before." I say and he gives a grunt pulling the bottle of alcohol to his lips.

"Ready to go home? That wife of yours is driving me nuts. She calls every hour checking on you." A smile creeps on my lips, but he just rolls his eyes.

"I'm so afraid of hurting her..." I trail off not trusting myself.

"You love her too much to do so. I still don't understand how you came to love her just as much as you had before the hijacking. I mean the Capitol erased all that love." He eyes me curiously arching an eyebrow wondering if I had an answer. I give a sigh.

"I think that once you love someone that's it. You can't go back, you can't undo it. You can disguise those feelings, shove them aside, or lock them deep down and ignore them but they never go away. So, I think the Capitol messed me up just enough that the love was buried deep inside me, inside a cage where it couldn't get free. But, Katniss somehow unlocked that cage and brought me back to life. Brought me back from the dark." He nods letting my words sink in.

"Get out of my house, boy and go back to her." I nod and I know I'm ready. I know I can control myself. I gather my few things and give him a grateful smile.

"Thank you, Haymitch. Really." I say looking at the older drunken man who had become my family.

"Anytime." He says and I nod leaving without another word. As I open the door the fresh air floods me and I feel the drunken air lifted from me. Now it was time to go home to Katniss. I walk across the street and walk through the front door. I know instantly she'd be on the couch, so I walk to the living room. I find her asleep on the couch buried under blankets. I see a crease between her eyebrows, and her lips turn down slightly at the corners. This picture makes me hate myself. I rub her shoulder gently.

"Katniss." I say softly. Her eyes flutter open, first they show longing and sadness which is quickly replaced with happiness and love.

"Peeta! You're back!" She dives into my arms wrapping her arms around my neck life a vice and burying her face against my neck. I smile closing my eyes the familiar scent of woods and bread fills my nose. God, I missed her. Even if it was only two days.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss." I say and bury my face in her hair, and I place soft kisses on her neck. Without realizing it she tilts her head back allowing for more kisses. She shakes her head.

"Peeta don't be sorry." I sigh against her neck and pull away just enough to look at her.

"Katniss, tell me. Why do you love me?" Confusion fills her beautiful gray eyes.

"Because you're so amazing, everything you do you do it because you just want to do something nice, not because you want something in return. You're so genuinely sweet. You are my refuge, you're arms are my safety. And, I know how cheesy this sounds, but you're my other half, my better half. The way your eyes light up every time you look at me always sense butterflies through my stomach. When I look at you I'm home, when I'm not with you I'm lost. You fixed me and put me back together when even I had given up on myself. You are my everything, Peeta."

I search her eyes and I know how her eyes remain locked with mine that every word she uttered was the complete truth. I crush my lips to hers, her words bringing me completely out of the dark land of hijacking.

"I love you, so damn much Katniss Mellark." I say giving her a smile.

"I love you more." She says with a playful grin. I arch an eyebrow and push her into a laying position and hover over her.

"No way." I say and bring my lips to her, but take them away hastily and teasingly. She whimpers and pouts begging me for more. Instead I inch her shut to expose her stomach. I place my hand over it gently, where she possibly is carrying our baby. Then I lower my head placing a kiss on her bare stomach. She places her hand over mine looking at me lovingly.

"Our baby." She whispers and her words fill me with complete happiness. I take my hand from her stomach and flip us over so she's laying on top of me now. My arms snake around her waist like a vice refusing to let go.

"I'll admit, I'm still afraid." I place a soft kiss on her lips. "But, I know you'll be at my side so I know I can do this." I smile up at her.

"Always." I say and pull her in for a long, sweet passionate kiss. I slide my hands under her shirt and up her back pulling her shirt off. Needing and wanting her right here, right now.

* * *

I pull Katniss out the door excitedly unable to wait any longer to find out if she was pregnant. She laughed at my eagerness. I almost scooped her up and carried her to the doctor's. I pace around the room waiting impatiently for the results of the test.

"Sit down, Peeta." Katniss says with a light laugh.

"I can't." I say letting out a breathy chuckle. She shakes her head and smiles at me.

"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Mellark. You have a baby on the way. You're about nine weeks along Katniss." I fall into the chair letting the words sink it. Katniss is pregnant. She is pregnant. Katniss dives off the table and into my arms laughing with joy.

I'm going to be a father. I'm going to be a father. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I felt tears of joying gathering in my eyes.

"I'm going to be a father." I whisper and she smiles kissing me lightly. Once Katniss had composed herself she turns to the doctor.

"How do I know that - that the baby's...okay." She struggles getting the words out and places her hand protectively over her stomach.

"Would an ultrasound make you feel better? We usually don't do it this early, but I would for you." Katniss nods and the doctor exits the room telling Katniss to change into a hospital ground.

"I can't believe I'm sitting her with the girl I've been in love with, not only my wife but also the mother of out child." I beam looking at Katniss, looking beautiful in even a hospital gown.

"So, you didn't just want to be a parent, to be a parent?" She asks and I look at her in confusion before understanding sinks in.

"No. You were and always will be the only one I ever want any of this with. If I hadn't announced my feelings when we were put into the games, or thrown you that bread I could promise you I would be alone. Well...forever." She leans over and kisses me softly.

"I could say the same to you. Before you the thought of all of this made me shudder, but I couldn't want any of this more. As long as it's with you." I smile widely and we pull apart when the doctor walks back in. She sets everything up and quickly starts the ultrasound. She studies the screen.

"Ah, right there. That's your baby." She says pointing to a black spot the size of a bean. Katniss's face lights up and I stare at the screen in disbelief. That was actually mine and Katniss's baby.

"Can we have a picture?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes. I'll go print it while Katniss changes." She says and exits the room. Katniss changed and I can't hold in my excitement.

"We're going to have a baby!" I say and pick Katniss up from behind spinning her around. She laughs and turns around kissing me when I set her down. She takes my hand placing it on her stomach.

"Our baby." She whispers. We pull apart when the doctor comes in, she hands me the picture and I stare at it.

"Alright, Katniss. We'll need to see you back here in three weeks. How does 10:40 on December 4th work for you?" Katniss agrees to it and we leave the doctor. We walk back talking happily and excitedly about the baby not even caring that it's snowing. One of my hands is intertwined with Katniss's and the other clutches the picture.

That night the smiles seem to be permanently etched on our faces. Just before bed I grab a frame and slip the picture of out baby into it. I set it next to my framed picture of Katniss, and framed picture of one of our wedding photos on my nightstand. I crawl into bed and stare at the picture from my wedding day and the picture of my baby. It was hard to believe I deserved Katniss and a baby.

After a few minutes I turn and pull Katniss into my arms cradling her close to my chest. Silently I run my fingers through her hair.

"I love you." I whisper when I feel my eyelids getting heavy.

"I love you too. Stay with me." She says sleepily. I smile my eyes sliding shut.

"Always."


	9. Chapter 9

I lay with my head in Peeta's lap as I look out the window watching the snow come down on the window. The fire radiates heat, warming my body up. Peeta's finger run through my hair absently. A smile plays on my lips as I close my eyes. I was thankful it was snowing too hard for Peeta to leave for work. After finding out I was pregnant yesterday I just wanted to spend the day being happy with him.

"Kat?" I open my eyes to find his striking blue one looking down at me, the corner of his lips tilting upwards.

"Yes, Peeta?" I say looking over his face curiously.

"Are you still afraid?" The question takes me off guard. Was I? He waits patiently for my response.

"A little bit. What if I fail her...or him?" My voice catches a little at the thought. What if I slip back into my depression? it was unlikely, but not impossible. Or what if something happened to Peeta and I become my mother. I needed to be a better mother than mine was to me.

"You won't. I promise. We'll be going through this together. I won't leave you. Ever." His words make me smile. I lift my hand placing it behind his neck and bringing his head down meeting his lips with mine.

"Thank you." I say with a smile.

"You don't have to thank me, love. Never." He says and I look at him in awe. How did I deserve him? He was purely amazing, and so sweet. I didn't deserve him, I knew that but I didn't care. I love him too much.

"I love you. So much." I say and his smile widens. He places a hand on my stomach where our baby is.

"I love you too. Always have, always will." He says.

* * *

The next morning I wake up to Peeta trying to slide out of bed quietly. I can't help the laugh that escapes my lips at his feeble attempt.

"What's so funny?" He asks arching an eyebrow as he grabs clothes from his dresser.

"You try so hard to be quiet, and you know you're not very good at it." I say teasingly. He lets out a chuckle. I look down to see he had decided to take off his leg last night. "How's your leg?" I ask. He shrugs holding himself upright with his cane.

"I think I need a new one. It's making my leg sore." He says. I nod and pull him over to me. Usually he only takes his leg off for showers.

"Do we need to call Dr. Aurelius?" I ask as he sits on the bed, positioning what's left of his leg carefully.

"I will when I get home from work." He says and gets back up using his cane to make his way to the bathroom. I sigh watching him. I should've noticed it had been giving him problems with the way he couldn't be on it for too long. He walks back out carrying the leg with him. I slip around to his side and take it from him.

"I'll do it." I tell him and he smiles. I take the leg and swiftly slide the cover on, the the leg.

"Just like your mother." I can't help but laugh at this statement.

"Yeah right." I say with a laugh and push him jokingly. He grins and leans down giving me a kiss."I'll Dr. Aurelius for you today." I tell him and he smiles.

"Thank you." He says and walks downstairs to make breakfast. I grab one of his shirts and slide it on, and a pair of jeans. I enjoyed wearing his shirts, they always smelled just like him. Bread and cinnamon. I almost believed it was a natural scent for him. I walk downstairs and find him whistling while he cooks. I smile to myself.

I slide my arms around him as I walk into the kitchen. He stops whistling and smiles brightly at me. After we eat he leaves for work and I sit around waiting until it's noon to call Dr. Aurelius. When it's finally noon I dial the all too familiar number. I wasn't proud I had it memorized. We needed him more often then I'd like.

"Hello." Dr. Aurelius says professionally.

"Hey, Dr. Aurelius. It's Katniss." I say smoothly so he doesn't think Peeta had an episode.

"Ah, Mrs. Mellark. Is something wrong?" He knew he could call me Katniss. It bugged me that he didn't. I disliked being addressed formally.

"Well, Peeta's leg is getting uncomfortable. We think he needs a new one." I wait patiently for him to reply.

"Do you think he could come out on Monday to get a new one?" I rack my brain, even though I knew there wasn't anything we had to do. My next appointment wasn't until next month.

"Yeah, I think so." He doesn't reply right away and I can tell he's writing something down.

"Alright, we'll have a new leg ready for him by Monday when he comes down. Anything else you need to talk about?" He asks and I could tell he was hinting to the possibility that I might be pregnant.

"Umm, well I'm pregnant. I'm afraid it might cause him to have a flashback. What should we do?" Honestly it was a question that had been nagging at me. Peeta had an episode last week, and I was afraid they'd become more frequent.

"I think the only time you'll need to worry about him having an episode is before you're showing. Once you're showing he'll see that the baby is there, and he'll know nothing's happened to the baby. Until then though, I think it'd be best to have him call me once a day so I can make sure he's doing fine. I could while he's out here give him a little therapy on pregnancy." I purse my lips. I didn't want Peeta being gone for too long.

"How long would it take?" He chuckles before continuing.

"I could do it on Monday as well, it may go into Tuesday, but I promise he'll be back by Tuesday night at the latest." I nod as I think about this. I guess it wouldn't hurt, I just didn't want him leaving me.

"Alright." I say because I knew it would be selfish to say no even if I wanted to. Peeta was still sick from the hijacking, and I knew that. It would be best for him to get a little therapy on the subject of me being pregnant.

"Alright, well I guess I'll see him Monday. Goodbye, Mrs. Mellark."

"Bye." I say and hang up. I wasn't looking forward to going two and a half days without Peeta, but I would survive. I was just glad he wouldn't be missing a doctor's appointment, and glad he would have a leg that wouldn't cause him pain.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm awoken by Peeta calling my name. I sleepily rub my eyes and sit up. It was crazy how much I was sleeping. It must be the pregnancy. A smile pulls across my lips when I see Peeta looking down at me.

"Hey, Kat." He smiles and scoops me up before sitting down and laying my head in his lap. He leans down placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Hey. So, I called Doctor Aurelius. He wants you to be there by Monday to get a new long. He also is going to give you some therapy on my pregnancy to reduce the chances of you having a flashback." I let out a sigh after I tell him. I still wasn't a fan of him going to the Capitol. I know the Capitol is find now, but I was still wary. Especially after everything he endured there.

"Will you be coming with me?" I look up meeting his blue eyes.

"It's probably better for me to stay here, I mean someone needs to keep an eye on Haymitch." I poke his side and even though I see the disappointment in his eyes he laughs.

"He has Effie." I give a shrug of my shoulders. Effie was all about manners, but no one could keep Haymitch in control. The thought makes me laugh.

"Like, Effie can keep him in control." Honestly I wanted to go with Peeta but I would just end up sitting in a hotel room by myself all day, so it was almost pointless to go.

"Can't change your mind?" He looks at me with a mask of disappointment.

"Peeta, you know I want to go with you, but I'd just end up in a hotel room all day with nothing to do. I mean at least here I can check on the bakery for you, and make sure Haymitch and Effie are fine." He nods and leans down kissing me.

"Well, we've still got this weekend before I have to leave." Something in his face looks mischievous and I can't help but grin.

"Now, do you think that's a good idea. Me being pregnant and all." He chuckles and smirks at me.

"I don't see any harm." I shake my head laughing, and before I can object his lips are on mine with a heated passion. My arms wind around his neck as I sit up careful not to move my lips from his. My fingers knot in the back of his hair and I move my legs to straddle his lap. His hand moves to the exposed skin at my sides from where my shirt had raised.

I feel warmth radiate through me at his touch. The warmth spreads through my entire being. I kiss him hard and feel his tongue run along my bottom lip just lightly, and very teasingly. I open my mouth allowing access. Our tongues meet and I suddenly feel a major need for Peeta, not just a want. His hands slide up my sides under my shirt causing me to shiver in delight.

His lips leave mine and travel down to my neck, and then my collar bone. He nips at the crook of my neck lightly causing me to groan in pleasure.

"What was that you were saying about this not being a good idea?" His breath comes our ragged against my neck and I feel my head spinning.

"I don't - I wasn't...Just - Damn you Peeta." I stutter stumbling over my words unable to think clearly. This causes him to chuckle.

"That's what I thought." He slips my shirt off over my head and resumes kissing my neck. His hands roam over my bare stomach, which remains flat at the moment, but in a few weeks it would be sticking out slightly, as our baby grows. His lips travel from my neck down to my still covered breasts. I whimper as he kisses between them.

"Peeta..." I whimper his name which only causes him to grin. His hands run up my back and I arch it instinctively. "That's not fair." I object and he chuckles his warm breath sending a shiver up my spine. His hand slides up to the back of my bra and teasing unclasps it slowly. "Let's go upstairs, in case Haymitch walks in." I whisper in his ear breathing heavily. He lets my bra fall from my body and scoops me up carrying me up stairs.

* * *

~Two days later~

I walk with Peeta to the train station sighing slightly. I didn't want him to leave. We walk in a comfortable silence, there wasn't much to say really.

"I'll see you tomorrow night." He leans down planting a soft tender kiss on my lips. I hug him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder.

"I love you." I whisper as he strokes my hair.

"I love you too, Kat." We pull away and he places a kiss on my forehead before getting on the train. I sigh and start walking back to the house. I reach the house and pull off my jacket, the cold air instantly biting at my skin as I do. Groaning in frustration, tired of the cold I walk to the living room and start a fire.

I plant myself on the couch watching the flames dance in vibrant oranges and red, licking the walls of the fireplace. Fire. I've had too much experience with fire for my liking. I idly wonder where Buttercup has been, usually he comes around once a day but I haven't seen him since yesterday. I push myself from the couch deciding to go looking for him.

I pull my jacket back on and walk out the back door. As soon as I do I find him. My breath gets caught in my throat and I sink to my knees covering my mouth trying to hold in the chocked sobs. I look over his lifeless body. I squeeze my eyes shut willing this to be a dream. I can't lose the last bit of my sister.

"Buttercup! Buttercup! Hey, ugly! Wake up!" My voice doesn't sound mean and harsh, it's colored with desperation and tears. I find myself shaking his lifeless body and find the tears streaming down my face as the sobs escape me. "Please don't be dead. Please." I beg, though I know it's no good. The last thing of my sister that I had is gone.

I'm suddenly wishing more than anything for Peeta to come back. Praying he will come through the door and make me feel better, and assure me everything will be okay. I wrap my arms around my stomach as the tears fall onto his ugly yellow coat. My fragile glass heart was cracking. It had took Peeta so long to put it back together, and I never took into account Buttercup's death. I guess I refused to believe he'd die.

"Katniss!" Haymitch's voice is frantic, and I realize I must've been yelling pretty loudly. I don't reply instead I stay on my knees hugging myself as the tears fall and sobs rack my body. I feel Haymitch arm wrap around my shoulder.

"Katniss what's - " He cuts himself off when he see's Buttercup. I let him embrace me in a comforting hug, as I cry into his shoulder. "It was a bad time for the boy to leave, wasn't it?" I nod hugging him tightly.

"Dear, what's wrong?" Effie walks out joining us. Haymitch releases me and explains to her. Now it's her turn to hug me. I'm unable to speak, and truth me told I don't want to. I just wanted Peeta to be here. Effie stands up pulling me with her. I look back at Buttercup and feel another wave of sobs overtake me. She's really gone now.

"Why don't you stay at our house until Peeta's back, I don't think leaving you alone is a good idea." Effie says and Haymitch nods in agreement. I don't have it in my to argue so I just follow them back to their house. When we get there I curl up in the corner of the couch hugging a pillow to myself. I let the tears fall from my eyes.

"Sweetheart, you got to talk to us." Haymitch's voice sounds sober, and so much older. I just shake my head and bury my face in the pillow. All the fragile pieces Peeta took so long to put back together felt like they were slowly falling back apart. I know once Peeta gets back it'll be easier to handle.

* * *

I don't move from that spot on the couch too numb to do anything. I stay there even when I know I'm suppose to meet Peeta at the train station. I didn't want to go out in public and have people see me like this, so Haymitch goes for me.

* * *

"Katniss?" I wake up to Peeta looking down at me with concern. I must look worse than I thought because his falls. "Are you alright?" I groan shaking my head. "Look at me, Kat. It'll be okay. He's with Prim now." I shake my head and try to push away when he pulls me into his arms, but he isn't having that.

"I lost my last piece of Prim." My voice is hoarse when I speak, after not speaking and crying. I let him take me in his arms and I cry into his shoulder as he holds me stroking my hair. We sit there unspeaking for the rest of the night until I fall asleep. Being in Peeta's arms again does offer a sense of relief, and I'm reminded I can't sink back into my depression. I need to stay strong for Peeta and our unborn child.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This chapter will be in Peeta's POV...I apologize for taking so long to update. **

* * *

I sigh looking at Katniss's sleeping form on the couch. She hadn't moved from that spot in two days. Well, except to go to the bathroom. At least she was eating and talking now though. I turn as I hear the door open. I let out another sigh as Haymitch walks in. He had been coming to check on Katniss frequently.

"She any better?" Haymitch's voice sounded older and actually sober. I just give a shrug turning back to look at Katniss. I never actually thought of how Buttercup's death would affect her. She had always hated that cat, I never expected her to be like this.

"At least she's eating and talking to me now. Well, when she's awake." Haymitch's hand rests on my shoulder reassuringly.

"You can get through to her when no one can. You should've seen her when I found her, or before you showed up." I run my hands over my face letting out a sigh.

"I shouldn't have gone to the Capitol. I could've been here for her." I lean against the railing looking down at Katniss.

"Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known that stupid old cat was going to die. Let alone unhinge her. You'd think she'd be glad she was rid of him." I give my shoulders a light shrug. It's true, I never expected her to care so much about that stupid old cat she hates so much.

"I'm going to see if I can get her moving." I push away from the railing and walk down the few steps into the living room. I carefully sit on the couch as I brush my hand over her head, moving the hair out of her face. "Kat." I lean down so my lips are close to her ear.

"Mmm?" I watch as her eyes flutter open meeting mine. Her grey eyes seemed to lack the life and happiness they once were filled with. I let out a sigh and place my hand on her stomach.

"Katniss, do you think Prim would want you still this upset over her death? Especially when we have a baby on the way." Katniss's hand lays over mine gently, which I take as a sign that I'm getting through to her.

"No." She breathes out, her eyes flitting away from mine.

"Then get back to living, Kat. Come back to me. I know it's hard, trust me I do. You remember my promise don't you? I'll stay with you, always. I'll help you get through this, but you can't shut me out." This makes her meet my eyes again.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Peeta." She pushes herself into a sitting position, resting her forehead against mine. "I promised I'd stay with you too and I've been breaking that promise lately haven't I?" Her eyes are no longer lacking life, but filled with guilt. I brush my thumb over her cheekbone gently.

"It's understandable. We're both still a little fragile, aren't we?" I whisper moving my lips closer to hers. She hasn't let me kiss her, touch her, hold her, nothing since Buttercup had died. She wouldn't let me in.

"I'm sorry." She whispers before pressing her lips to mine fully. I sigh inwardly with relief, my arm sliding around her waist, pulling her in closer to me. Her arms wind around my neck as she deepens the kiss. We pull apart at the sound of Haymitch clearing his voice.

"What did I tell you, lover boy? That girl will only respond to you." I notice the scowl Katniss shoots Haymitch and feel a little bit of hope that she's going to allow herself to get better.

"I'm going to go shower." Katniss mumbles and gets up. I look up at Haymitch and guess he wants to talk to me alone. Katniss and Haymitch had always had this weird way of communicating without actually having to communicate. I guess they were just too much alike.

"You know she's always loved you, right?" Haymitch's words startle me, taking me back.

"No she hasn't." I wave him off. If she had why hadn't she admitted it until the quarter quell? That night on the beach. I may be hijacked and confused, but that night was one of the best nights of my life. I knew we weren't talking for the games, and she gave every implication that she loved me that night.

_"No one really needs me." She looked up with me her beautiful grey eyes searching my face. I wasn't saying it out of self pity it was true. My mom sure as hell didn't need me. My father and brothers would grieve and move on. Haymitch would just turn to liquor, and Katniss could be with Gale. The thought of her with someone else hurt me, but I wanted her to be happy more than I wanted myself to be happy. _

_"I do. I need you." I met her eyes and searched them, looking for an signs that this was for the camera. That this was for that games. I found nothing but honesty in them. She loved me. She may not know it, but I do now. Katniss Everdeen loves me. _

"You can so easily tell, Peeta. From the moment in the cave on she was in love with you that girl is just too damn stubborn. You can get through to her so easily because you've been apart of her for so much longer than you think." He turns and walks out of the house. I blink watching him leave.

_I _make my way up the stairs quietly, and slip into the bathroom. Steam fulls the room from the shower. I quickly undress and join Katniss in the shower. She squeaks almost slipping. I catch her before she falls.

"Damn it Peeta. You nearly gave me a heart attack." I chuckle softly and pull her in for a kiss. She kisses me deeply matching my passion. "I really am sorry." She whispers against my lips. _  
_

"Oh hush, Kat." I say and pull her in for another kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This is back in Katniss's POV**

* * *

I wake up to the sound of a loud crash downstairs. Startled I sit upright quickly. My hands flies to the empty spot next to me.

"Peeta?" My fingers curl around the empty sheets as a slight feeling of dread fills me. The moonlight shines through the window illuminating the room slightly. I slide out of bed carefully and make my way down the stairs. I find Peeta in the kitchen trying to clean up a broken plate. "Peeta?" His head snaps up, his blue eyes dull.

"Mutt," he growls under his breath. I shake my head as I approach him. "Katniss don't. I - I'm losing, it.." his voice shakes as he speaks.

"Shh, Peeta," I say calmly as I approach him. I bend down next to him and find his hands covered with blood from the broken shards of glass. I take them in my hand and feel them violently shaking. I look up to his eyes to find his pupils dilating as he fights the memories. He pushes me backwards knocking me into the cabinets.

"You killed my family!" He yells at me standing over me. I avoid shrieking back, and letting him know he's scaring me.

"No, Peeta. The Capitol killed your family." I say calmly holding both my hands outward as I get to my feet, my back aching from the impact. He takes the opportunity to knock me into the wall his arm tight against my neck. "Peeta.." I breathe out trying to pull his arm away.

"You'll kill my child just like you killed them!" He shouts in my face. I glance down at my stomach that had only a slight bump.

"No, Peeta. I would never." Tears sting my eyes threatening to spill over. I wriggle away from him making my way to the other side of the kitchen. "Please listen to me, Peeta." I notice him shaking violently even from a distance.

"You're going to kill him! Why'd I let you be the mother of my child!?" His words hit me painfully. I know it's only his hijacked state saying this, but it still hurts. Especially after when we decided to have a baby he said he didn't want a child with anyone else. It feels almost like he's taking all that back now. He grabs another plate and throws it at the floor.

"Peeta, I would never hurt our child. I love her - or him already. Love him just as much as I love you," I try reasoning with him with little success.

"No! You never loved me! I gave you everything, and you killed my family and you'll do the same with my child!" He turns and runs out the door.

"Peeta! Wait!" I don't bother with putting shoes on as I run after him outside. I see him running down the street and now exactly where he's going. I take a deep breath willing the tears not to fall. He's not Peeta. Not right now. I have to tell myself this over and over and yet it doesn't lessen the way his words felt.

I make it to the bakery quite quickly, my bare feet stinging from the rough ground.

"Peeta?" I find him in the corner of the bakery with his face buried in his still bleeding hands. I walk over to him and rest my hand gently on his upper arm. "Peeta, look at me. Please?" His muscles under my hand are hard and rigid, and shaking.

"Katniss...please...go." He struggles getting the words out.

"No. I'm not leaving you," I state simply. He shakes his head.

"Go...I don't...want...to hurt...you." The pain in his voice is evident.

"I promised you I'd stay with you, just like you promised me. So, stay with me Peeta." I urge hoping this will get through to him. His fingers curl tightly into his blonde curls almost pulling it.

"I - I want to, but - I c - can't fight it." The way he fights to get his words out pains me. Peeta who could move a whole country into rebellion with words unable to speak. A tear slips out of my eyes without my permission.

"I have to fix your hands Peeta. You cut them up, please let me," I whisper and he lets his hair go removing his hands from his face. I grab a towel from the counter behind him and wipe the blood from his hands off his face. His pupils have swallowed up most of his iris's making his eyes look cold and dark instead of their normal warm, loving, and bright look. I stand up wetting the towel and grabbing the first aid kit.

"K - Katniss. I don't know how much longer I can fight it. I - I'm so tired." His head drops as he looks sadly at his lap. The scene all of breaks my heart. "I'm - I'm just a Capitol mutt," he says.

"No you're not," I say as a kneel beside him again taking his hands in mine. "Don't say that, Peeta." I feel the tears threatening to spill again.

"Then what am I?" He looks up at me his face a mask of sadness and desperation.

"You're my boy with the bread, you're my dandelion, and you're the sweetest more caring most amazing person in all of Panem. All of this isn't your fault, and don't you dare say it is. It's Snow's fault," I say as I work on his hands. I feel his eyes watching me work.

"I love you, Katniss..." I look up at this and see him looking at our hands. I lean over kissing his cheek.

"I love you, too. We'll get through this."

"My dreams, they're just...they keep...they're..." He stops speaking his hands balling into fists in my hands.

"Peeta. Not real. It's not real." I try to pry his fingers open as I assure him that whatever he's seeing is not real, and never will be.

"Mutt! You stay away from my child!" He pushes me away from him as he scrambles to his feet.

"Peeta I would never ever hurt our child, I - "

"Don't say 'our child'. You don't deserve a child!" Bam. Those words leave me sitting on the floor speechless as he runs out of the bakery. I know I should run after him, but I can't get myself to move. I find myself pulling my knees to myself as I let my tears spill over. I know it's hijacked Peeta speaking, but he's right. I don't deserve a child. What was I thinking? I've already slipped away once, I can do it again, and as I've learned it doesn't take much.


End file.
